Top 10 Stupid Things you can do at work to get yourself fired!

  1. Browse for awesome porn!
  2. Find awesome porn and then attach it to a group email, sent to everyone who works with you in accounting…
  3. Overrun your lunch hour by 4 hours because poker_champ03 is beating you at 5 card stud…
  4. Write an email to your lover describing in intimate details what you would like to do to them tonight.
  5. Write an email to all your best friends telling them what you did to your lover last night.
  6. Circulate an email among your friends at work detailing just what you think of the Head of Resources, including explicit references comparing various parts of his anatomy to that of a mouse.
  7. Download 4 hours of music from a notorious warez site, then complain that your connection speed is sooo slow!
  8. Spend all morning downloading movies and all afternoon watching them. Encourage everyone who shares your workspace to join in!
  9. Update your blog during work hours, sharing the latest internal specs for the brand new product your organization has yet to release to the whole world.
  10. Spend all afternoon updating the corporate website for your “side-business” in web page design.


But seriously…

If you always treat corporate communication as though the evil boss was listening in on the other end, at all times, you cannot go wrong. Personal correspondence with loved ones should be kept to decent content; employees have been fired, and reputations have been destroyed, over ignoring Acceptable Usage Guidelines. It is also doubtful whether the tone of the conversation would be so explicit if conducted, for instance, over the phone, where the entire open-plan office can eavesdrop, so bear this in mind when sending personal emails from work.

Spending time browsing for porn at work is also a bad idea, as not only does it put you at risk (sexual harassment suits have been started over nothing less), but you are also exposing your employer to further liabilities. In addition, not all pornographic web sites are “healthy”, and will often attempt to upload malicious software to your machine. Think of it as a new, 21st Century vector for the sexually transmitted disease…

The same is also true for most software and music download sites. More often than not, these are simply hotbeds of malware that will be disastrous for you, should it end up on your local machine. Having to petition your sysadmin to perform a complete reinstallation of your desktop because you were browsing unproductive sites at work is one of the fastest ways of irritating someone you should try to keep happy!

Gambling and games sites also occupy more time than we like to think – try not to let yourself get sucked into them and set your alarm if you know you are one of those who gets easily distracted.


Internet connectivity need not be a tool for wasting time

If you are responsible with your browsing habits, you should have no reason to ever be fired for them. Employers who wish to avoid the confrontations that are the end result of such reckless browsing habits should concentrate on training, motivating and retraining employees; keeping staff turnover low has the knock-on effect of creating a stable workplace environment where employees feel valued and want to stay on.

Why lose your most experienced and best workers simply because they do not understand the nature of consequence? Showing them their browsing habits encourages them to see their usage for themselves and its effects on the workplace, without the need for blocking, which can also be incredibly depressive for morale.

Internet connectivity need not be a tool for wasting time. Maintain an Acceptable Usage Internet Policy and monitor your usage wisely.

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